im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
