Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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