smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
