Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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