Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
