So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
