worst night to have a conscience
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
