a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
