jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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