Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
