I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
