Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
