i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
