wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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