Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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