Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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