dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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