i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize