exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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