I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
