my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
