Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
