No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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