I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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