We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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