Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
