Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
