note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
