So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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