talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
