You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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