I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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