And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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