Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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