She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
