Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
