just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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