so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
