I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
