I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
