I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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