Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
