so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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