i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize