He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize