I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
