I puked a lego.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
