I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
