Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
