He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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