You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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