I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
