I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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