oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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