If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
