So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
