We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
