I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
