someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
