If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
