I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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