11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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