before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize