what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
