Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
