never play flip cup with pint glasses
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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