Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
