I haven't been this sober since birth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
