My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
